Dear blog

I sms-ed Nick. But he didn't reply...

Oh well. Shin asked me an obvious question though: If that someone you love broke up with you and got together with someone else you know or your friend, what will you do? My 1st answer was, if that (being noble and selfless) special someone has no more feelings for you, and the other person can provide at least the basic sense of comfortness, then i'll have no obligations. My heart immediately went YEAH RIGHT!

Today was lonely. Thought could asked someone out for brunch, since i was totally alone when i just woke up around. Okay so had something on. Alrights, so i went down used my saved money to get carrot cake... haiz... And i didn't realise people was kinda staring at me, cause of my messy wake up hair. Anyways, couldn't be bothered also. Not like anything gonna happen today. After lying on the bed for a while, parents came back, and started scolding again as usual cause i haven't prepare myself for church. I wasn't going to church also, didn't have the mood these few days. I complied and i started preparing. Took dad's car to church. When he was speeding, i really wanted to just jerk the steering wheel and wonder how would the car flip, but i couldn't do it. So reached there at 4pm, i immediately sneaked away to Plaza Sing via bus (cold lonely ride). And then walked from PS to City Hall MRT. Yeah i have nothing better to do. Was staring at my phone, should i dial ....9934 or....9575? Since the first had something on, then i called the latter. Talked awhile to pass time and finally 645pm came and i met up with VE members.

Dinner was japanese. Had Tan-Tan Miso Ramen. Joked with ben to say it's 陈陈 miso ramen, created by a chinese guy, that's why there's cheap minced pork inside. Good thing Mr Ong paid for all 13 of us. Oh i drank a ribena with apple too, ?_? yeah same expression.

Now just reached home. And 1st thing got scolded again. I'm so sensitive you know, when people praise me or scold me. It really affects me alot, it's just that i had to control this facade i have. After that, being me, i didn't talk back or anything. I just went to kitchen to drink a glass of water with some tears still holding back in my eyes... Now here i am, seeing you online and i'm reading blogs. It's just unbearable.

So coming to Shin's question again: I'm desperate enough to kill you and place you in my closet, cause if i can't have you, i don't want anybody else to.

Sorry to Shin for being rude.
Sorry to Nick for being such a lousy friend and have to interferre.
Sorry to Paul for not being able to make a firm decision that time, so now he has to live in regret for the rest of his life.
Sorry to you for too much things.

Majority of our brain is powered sub-consciously. And i don't know if i could apply what i'm feeling to what you would react. Nevermind, you would say it's none of my business. When you're happy and already moved on away from me, then you'll see and pity me.
Yesh you're right, I'm FREAKING JEALOUS. But i still want the best for you. Too see your trusted dog run to another owner for food and water, the owner would share the same feelings as me.

One more thing: Don't think you can act as a hero please. Everyone of us has a life with different character and attitudes. Something already happened to me that is not fair, and from your words, i'm no where near your friend? What the hell, Fucking screwed up relationship, my few months best friend and my 2 months close friend just can turn against me. I don't cry doesn't mean i don't want to. And it's already unfair for anyone to judge anyone else in the first place.
I'M SORRY IF IT DOESN'T APPLIES TO YOU.

Signing out