Dear blog

There's so many things i wanna do. So many action i wanna do. So many topics to talk about.
But when i saw your face, everything just sank. I didn't just see your face, i saw your heart. It was dead when faced with mine.

I had so much wanted to scream at myself. I don't think you're a coward, i think that's your way of dealing with problems. I couldn't bring a blade near my wrist at all, I'm the real coward.

Can i sms you? I'm sorry we can't be together. Oh, please don't hurt yourself, you're breaking what you promised me. You don't need to be responsible for me anymore, the pain is caused by myself to myself. I'm sorry, i'm just really am, i couldn't be there for you. It's my fault not yours. Can we try this again somehow? No, i'm sorry, i'm really tired now. I'm a selfish person and i'm sorry we've met and you needed to change just to please me. Noo! I do things because i want us to be together, not for you to use it against you or me. Let's just move on from each other, i don't have the courage to face you...

Dammit. Yeah i was jealous, and yet you didn't want to do anything about it knowing it. Yeah okay, so you had a bad day thinking that i'd be jealous, SO WHAT? Like thinking would make me feel better. Great, now you have a whole day of movies. And just go out some more. Fine... IT'S SOOO MAKING ME FEEL MUCH BETTER.

What I want? A simple movie with you even? To accompany you? What the freakin wrong? I don't even know why i'm feeling like that? Hmmm maybe because i still do have feelings for you?

So. Now i'm thinking and feeling guilty about you. Do you feel better?

Okay. I'm quieting down. It's just that basic courtesy? When people ask you out, i'm sure if you could you would go out with him. Since he's waiting for you for just that sms to go out.
And yeah, i enjoy seeing you slashing yourself. I enjoy seeing your head get banged on the wall. Hmmm? I tried my best to help?

Yeah, so i'm trash to you now. Whatever i feel you DON'T CARE and DON'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. Even if you did, you'll take it to yourself.

You'll ask what i want again. I already told you i want you. Even if it's just an empty shell? I would rather kill you myself and just put you at my house so that i can see you everyday. I'm that sick ok. Haiz... freakin hell. I have no more words to describe you. Just plain selfish (not the joy, but the pain).

It's like catching lightning the chances of finding someone like you
It's one in a million of having the feeling the way we do
And with every step together
We'll just keep on getting better
So can i have this dance, can i have this dance?

Signing out