trust

Dear blog

Today was a long and gloomy day. I promised somebody before that I'll be strong. And so i will. Just shaving the tip of the iceberg in this post…

Chair for two? I supposed not. Why? Why am i the only one on that chair for two? It’s either the other person leaves without a word or doesn’t even come at all. It’s such a dark and cold night, and i’m always alone, just when i thought i found a warmth. (this is an analogy btw). Shall not go on further…

 

Went to meet up with Colin too. He stays quite a distance yeah, but since it’s like long long time meet once why not? This is the night view outside his house =)

 

As i was walking i saw those poles. Maybe i should have just banged my head against those poles. If i had the power to hold you back and grab you tight, I'd would. Paul feels powerless. Note to self: Bang head on hard pole if i even get the chance.

 

Hmmm let’s try another alternative. Maybe i should have just stand at the cross-roads? The traffic was rather heavy. If a car did crush me, I'll be followed on by a rampage of them so I'll feel no pain. A better alternative if you asked me.

ARGH, so many thoughts. But i just want to remember certain stuffs. I was proud you know. Was proud to have you. I thought you’ll change my life. You did, but not together as one. Now? I’m back to square one…

About the title: Trust
What does it means to you? For me, i feel that trust has different levels or types. There are trust in speech (believing what you say), trust in actions (having faith in what you do) and trust in thoughts (as written). And most of the time, we humans cannot control events that occur to us or maybe just to a certain extent our experiences. To you, i trusted wholly. But i guess it was misplaced. I trusted your feelings.

That hug… I didn’t know why i did it. It’s similar to the first time i gave it to you, except the thoughts in my head. Pervious was “wow” and yesterday was a “goodbye”

I never ever placed my feelings above people. That’s probably why i never got them. sigh… That’s why i looked strong. That’s why i smile and “laughed” about it. I know what works, i know that if i don’t take this seriously you’ll forget about me sooner than i can stop this trembling of mine…

As soon as you left, i ran home crying and screaming on my pillow. The voices were grim. The knot was torn. World was back shaking as it used to be. I lost you.

On a brighter note. I’ll get over the situation pretty quick as well. Things I've learnt over 5 + 1 times now =) Ha ha, i remembered something, you never said goodbye right? Then you better start something afresh. Ha ha. Oh wait, you won’t be reading my blog till like awhile. Oh well, when you do i hope you’ve cooled off and ready to just embrace me in a different way =) Friendship stays forever you know ;P

Lesson learnt: Sweet doesn’t equate to Love.

Signing out