Down and down

Dear blog,

I am really at a lost of words…

What do I want, and what can i expect in the future?

Nevermind la since i’m useless and a burden anyways :(

No point me doing anything as it’s useless…

I am (was) the one

I am the one.

I am the one who would offer the last piece of paper in the whole office to submit your work and be late for mine without you ever knowing about it.

I am the one who would pay my traveling cost of $1.35 down to wait for you not expecting anything when i am left with $2 on my card.

I am the one who would sit and wait after your work, wait despite any unforeseen delays, and wait despite the fatigue.

I am the one who would consider all different weather conditions and to plan for contingency plans such as portable umbrellas, N95 masks for you.

I am the one who did all these just to see you safe and happy.

mind of you

Dear blog,

Right now, i am rushing on my Final Assessment for my ACTA CU4a module tomorrow. It requires some assignments done up, presentation (free topic), demonstration, as well as a cast-study to it. Urgh, have yet to crack my brains on those and it is already 2140?!?

Anyways I should stop emo-ing, all the negative energy on facebook. I decided to direct it here instead…

So it started off again, and from the looks of it, sooner or later it’s gonna go bad again. I know cause it’s like I can never get enough out of it. And i the worse part is i do not know how to make it better. Impossible? I do not know. It is like fate playing a horrible prank on me.

All the words, i don’t know how to take them word for word. I need to control my emotions better. Need to seek other place to vent my frustration and yearn of attention. Because i know it is like a dead end here. I used to embrace it alot, enjoy every moment. Now i am so insecure, cause one moment something can be said, and the next day is a completely different attitude.

I longed for something more.

I kept losing myself. Don’t know my feelings or my thoughts anymore. Each nightmare worsens my sanity. I am going to lose myself once more.

Can I be of a choice?

I hate my heart, my soul, my body.

I am not appreciated for my love… my love.

Bearback truth

Dear blog,

GoodNight Bear: “Had a wonderful time with master Paul!”

hehe so today was my first weekday offday! Wooooo~ Yaar life as a first aid trainer is no walk in the park! Sooooo many things that they do most people oversee~
Anyways what i did today >>>

1. Slack at home in the morning
2. Get my jeans tailored up
3. Gym with raymond at Eunos CC
4. Dinner at Plaza Sing with friends
5. Watch The Wolverine with them as well
6. HOME!

So see, all these while GN bear was sitting at the top of my bag watching everything :) Hmmm like me, even though sometimes you can’t see me, i’m still at the back and the top of all the things you carry, watching after you but i know the only thing you feel is the extra weight that i’m there for. No matter, one day you would appreciate the thoughts that i pour out everyday of my life since then~

Heh-zee-tent

Dear blog,

I seriously do not know what’s going on in other people’s mind even though how much i try and try and try. What do I do now? Which path should i take?

It might take 8 months to undo a process, but only a night to ignite it all

I know what everybody else would say and is saying to me. But they are not me and they will not understand the thoughts and feelings that i go through…

But even if there’s a chance, i’d take it. I saw the words, i read it as hope… and cherish every moment left

Goodnight bear

Dear blog,